Editing Decision

I am choosing to edit my PETA ad paper. I chose the “ad” paper because I am a more visual person, and I have trouble with reading comprehension. I am also more familiar with the topic of the ad than the topic of the article. The ad paper was easier for me to write, and hopefully will then be easier to revise.

The main part of my work that I need to revise is the thesis. My argument is weakened because my thesis is not strong enough. With a stronger thesis, I could also add more description and elaboration into my body paragraphs.

The thesis to my argument was: “This ad is selling that even if you’re the nicest or prettiest person in the world, wearing fur is supporting animal cruelty and will make you ugly, inside and out.”

I need to make the thesis something that is more analytical, something that you cannot see or tell from the ad. I need to analyze the ad and what it is “selling” further so that I can fully “prove” my argument. Another part of my paper that needs work is my ending sentences. I will go back and fix them, trying to make them sum up the paragraph in a new way. I plan on making other small improvements, like changing wording to not sounding repetitive, and other techniques we learned in class.