Reflection of Editing

My argument is weakened because my thesis is not strong enough. With a stronger thesis, I also added more description and elaboration into my body paragraphs. Almost very part of my essay that I got major points off for pertained to my weak thesis.

I made thesis something that is more analytical, something that you cannot see or tell from the ad. I changed my thesis to: This ad is selling that fur is so powerful and transformative, that wearing fur will make you ugly, inside and out. Because my thesis is now stronger, I needed to “prove” my argument. I added points, description, and analysis to my essay, because a stronger thesis requires more analyzing and convincing.

I also made a huge effort to fix, and in some paragraphs, add ending sentences. Going over the purpose of topic and ending sentences in class helped me greatly. I thought they were both supposed to just sum up the paragraph. I made the ending sentences relate to the thesis, and the topic sentences transition and introduce. I made other small improvements, like trying my best to not use the same word as the first word of too many sentences. I tried to fix some awkward wording, some organization, and other small mistakes.

I would like feedback on everything that I changed or fixed, especially my new ending and topic sentences. I think my thesis is fully strong enough now, so I am confident in most of my paper now. I would like overall feedback as well.